I will always regret not being there for you and with you through the hardest days of your life … I will live with that for as long as I live.




I don’t know how to fully grieve you…. Without reliving the way I treated you when I was younger. You were so, so good to me. And I was too stupid and young to realize it. If I knew what I know now, I would have loved you the way I love you now.


Just know that I did love you the best I could at the time. Thank you for the best memories of my life. I look back at them often and find myself wishing with all my might that I could go back and relive them just one more time.


To have a do over in this life is all I want. It would change the course of my entire life … but you’re the only one I would give up absolutely everything for. You were everything. You are my everything. Even though you’re gone.


I know clinging to our old life together is probably unhealthy….. clinging to your love, I know, is wrong. But sometimes it’s the only way I get through some of my days. Is to remember the love we had and the love you so unconditionally gave to me.

You were truly one in a million. They don’t make them like you anymore …. I’m so mad at myself. I ruined everything between us. And I’m so sorry.


You came back to me for so long … and just gave up. I don’t blame you. I just wish you had held on for a little longer. Because I did wake up. I did open my eyes. And I saw everything the way you did. I wish I hadn’t been too late.

I can’t blame you for loving her too. Because there is someone else I used to love too. But not as much as I loved you. Our love was pure. One for the books. The kind of love that makes people jealous. I had that with you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.


My favorite memories are simple, but beautiful.


Like I remember the first time we made out in your home … in your sister’s room with the tv on. Gosh, I remember the butterflies. I freakin loved you so much.

Or the 3 nights in a row you came to my house in the middle of the night .. we were so scared to actually go far enough, we were so young, but so crazy about each other ..

I remember all the nights I would sneak into your home after dark just to stay the nights in your room. Love was always present with us.

Then the one time you went upstairs in the morning and your parents told you to tell me to come upstairs. They acted like nothing had happened. Lol I will never forget that.

Or the night in Havasu. Where we drank a little too much and stayed up the whole night talking about how we knew we loved each other. How we knew what we had was real. And how we never wanted it to end. That was a beautiful night.


Our first night together ever .. so special, so freakin perfect. I will always be glad my firsts were with you.

You my love, were the best thing to ever happen to me. I’m so sorry I ruined what we could have been.

I have to let you go. Someday. But not today.


I love you more than my own life.

I can’t sleep again tonight. My mind is too busy thinking about you. I make sure my mind remembers every inch of your face. The way your mouth moves when you talk. The sound of your voice. Your beautiful blue eyes. I look at that last video you ever made and all I wanna do is kiss your sweet face. I go over every detail I can remember about us being together. I do it until I feel like my heart can’t take anymore. And then I’m blinded by the tears that don’t stop coming as I’m reminded of the fact what you’re not here. That I ruined what we had. And that I will never have you back in my arms ever again. It hurts that I chose the life I did. I would give anything to have you back.


It makes me want to believe in the power of magic that I spent so many years watching on tv. I wish there was a way to bring you back to me.